Socially detransitioning, coming out again, finding friends who understand, dating, and final thoughts
Wow..such wisdom gained from your experience. Thank you for being vulnerable and writing about it.
Filled with warmth and wisdom. Thank you!
“Are you still breathing? Then there’s still a chance to build a better life. You have the power to save your own life.” This is so true, for everybody. Thanks.
Such parallels with recovery journeys from those healing from addiction. And I agree about having come through some stuff, and having learned to accept yourself - it makes a person stronger, happier and more beautiful.
Thanks for sharing your story, it's a wonderful and inspiring gift.
Interesting. I read the whole series. Coming from a focus on male circumcision, it's been hard to realize that the best part of my sexuality was ripped apart and amputated (the foreskin is fused to the penis head at birth like a fingernail). Especially since nobody cares.
The few that do care tend to be quite extreme, understandably, including intersex activists who grew up in an environment of fear and shame, whisked away for secret surgeries and lied to by their loved ones. Not that there's any reason to believe an intersex won't naturally develop a well-adjusted personality when left intact and shown acceptance, but I digress.
It's all the same problem: religious "hazing" to enforce in-group loyalty, that takes the form of forced or coerced sexual mutilation of children, and is presented as something progressive with a medical veneer. All of it is the work of self-hating cultists.
Immense honesty and transparency. Thank you
We desperately need more voices like yours to be elevated and celebrated- there’s innumerable people in this ideological space that need to know that questioning the very fiber of what they’re about to do is not just okay, but imperative to mental and physical well-being.
There’s so many groups, many of them bordering on militant, that insist on transitioning being THE ONLY WAY to happiness, and they’ve convinced an entire culture of physicians and health professionals that even the act of questioning the choice is immoral, much less having second thoughts.
The truth is, no matter how hard it is for some to hear, gender dysphasia/dysphoria is deeply seeded in mental illness. It requires a great deal of therapy, CORRECT diagnoses, support and love. In clinical settings, there previously was a considerable amount of therapy before ever discussing surgical mutilation of the body, and required considerable therapy before and after by trained professionals. Now we find clinicians who, in good conscience, are green-lighting these horrific procedures with little evaluations being done and barely any inquiry into the reasons BEHIND said condition(s). There’s a good reason there’s scant few medical facilities who were once fully behind GRS now denying these surgeries, not allowing them to be performed inside their walls- because this is not a healthy treatment to something that for any number of reasons has left a patient feeling that mutilation is the only logical solution.
This is not in any way meant to deny the outcomes that some have found to be the ultimate outcome and they’re living their best life; but for the vast majority of people who’ve been led to believe this is the cure for all that ails them; to find themselves left even more confused, angry, sorrowful, filled with remorse, and mountains of regret because this not only doesn’t fill that void, but leaves them feeling even more of a void.
Somehow we’ve become convinced by a very small but incredibly vocal minority that even questioning the processes that led to the decision to ‘transition’ is outright heresy and finds many otherwise excellent clinicians/diagnosticians to wash their hands of the entire situation, and unwilling to see, much less treat, anyone even remotely questioning their gender. This same vocal group has actually convinced a governing body of highly respected medical professionals to toss out well proven methods and treatments in favor of full steam ahead annihilation that many patients are so completely blindsided by the ramifications of the decision that can never be undone.
This same group will shame others who openly discuss their issues with post surgical outcomes, as to silence them; convincing the onlookers that what you’re discussing is a rare-air outcome, almost no one has issues, and life is happy-happy-joy-joy almost the moment the anesthesia wears off.
In my own practice, before I completely ceased treating GD patients, as an purely anecdotal aside, 98% were dealing with crimes committed against them, typically at an early age that went largely ignored, and their brain had simply closed in upon itself as a coping mechanism. Once they stumble into the gender reassignment tribe, they’re convinced that this is the fix they desperately require- completely removed from reality, unwilling to hear any other possibility, detaching themselves from the trauma because the mind won’t allow them to hear simple truths. Coupled with the ‘tribe’ convincing them GRS is necessary and anyone suggesting otherwise is the real villain who must be destroyed, and you discover why so many of us are simply unwilling to enter into an healthy treatment relationship for fear of ruining an entire lifetime of otherwise accredited work.
We need far more voices such as yours to give credence and credibility to the outcomes many of us previously warned about, but were squelched in the name of ‘the greater good’.
The number of regrettable suicides, which is incredibly high post-surgery, is not due to ridicule/ostracization, but rather the horrifically high amount of regret, confusion, and disgust within themselves when the discovery comes upon them that this is not only a poor decision they’ve made at a rudimentary level, but that there’s a gaping hole left to fill that they’re unable to fill. That they’ve been led down a path by people they felt they could trust, and had put their confidence in, and were led horribly astray.
Reading this short story gone long, you might get the impression that I’m of the opinion that this is a horrible act and shouldn’t ever be allowed to happen, and I’d argue the opposite is true. If this is what is determined to be the path to a better livelihood that fulfills the person reassigning their gender, that’s wonderful. But where I have issues is the patients that are tragically failed on every level- by clinicians, by therapists, and by throngs of ideologically warped people who have forced their way into the consciousness and completely destroyed the ability to counsel patients effectively and give them vital information that would have avoided your outcome and those of many that are exactly like you.
I sincerely wish you the very best and are hopeful you’ve found someone to guide you. I stumbled upon your blog and am heartened to hear your story of recovery. I very much hope that your message and others like yours are elevated to the forefront, and we can go back to the ways of previously accepted and credentialed treatments that lead to a much healthier outcome. I would love nothing more than to begin treating patients in this vein again, but until the tides turn and stop turning those of us trying to inform and counsel into villainous evildoers, I’m afraid it’s not likely to happen.
so beautifully written. you’re such a brilliant, intelligent woman and everyone who’s in your life is lucky to have you around 🧡
What a great gift of expression you possess! Thank you very much for sharing your experiences with us in such a poignant manner. I greatly admire your resiliency, candor and hard-won optimism. Thank you for sharing your story here and on 60 Minutes. Detransitioners need and deserve support and understanding. All the best to you and thanks again!
Congratulations and best of everything to you.
This is all so full of wisdom. Your words resonate with many in different situations. You have much to give to the world. I wish you much peace and happiness.
Every detransitioner I have come across has such strength and dignity. We have so much to learn from those who have made this painful journey of self-discovery and learned to love themselves and accept who they are.
I follow Graham Linehan's substack and he posted about #DetransAwarenessDay on 12th March: